. Regurgitated Alpha Bits: June 2016

Thursday, June 30, 2016

Don't Pork Here

Here's a little conversation I had with a nine-year-old at dismissal.

Me: Hi Timmy! Did you have a good day today?

Timmy: Of course!

Me: What's the best part of your day?

Timmy: Ever night a guy walks his pet pig past my house.

Me: ___________

Timmy: It's awesomer than it sounds.

Monday, June 27, 2016

Man Overboard

I had lunch with this kiddo, and we read a story together. Right in the middle of the story, he turns to me:

Him: Do you think they'll ever invent an overboard chair?

Me: A what?

Him: An overboard chair.

Me: I'm not sure I know what that is.

Him: Yes you do! You know, an OVERboard chair. Like the skateboard things kids ride around on with all the lights on it and it's like they're "over" the sidewalk.

Me: OOoooOOOh! Got it. Yeh, I don't know if they'll invent one.

Thursday, June 23, 2016

I Heart Nuggets

Know what initially sounds like a good idea but actually turns out not to be?

Heart-shaped chicken nuggets.

That's what we served for lunch at school as Valentine's Day approached.

Heart-shaped chicken nuggets.

You see, when you turn a heart-shaped chicken nugget over and and then bite the pointy part off, you're left with...

...butt-shaped chicken nuggets.

Fleshy, butt-shaped chicken nuggets.

And then the kids strategically added condiments to them. It wasn't pretty.

The lesson is clear. Keep your nuggets nuggety-shaped or things get dark fast.

Monday, June 20, 2016

Things Are About to Get Dull - Like Vanilla

Where have you been?

In all honesty, I've been putting all the funny on my personal Facebook page. I haven't been putting it here because I didn't want to bore all my "real me" friends who follow me here and on my personal Facebook page where I am the "real me."

But now I've decided I don't really care if I bore them.

Sorry People Who Know the Real Me. (Let's face it. I'm not that interesting in real life.)

So I'll be retelling some of my stories from this school year here, and I hope you find them amusing.

Let's get started!

Conversation with a kid on her her birthday:
Me: Let's talk cupcakes. Which is better, chocolate or vanilla?
Her: valilna
Me: First of all, you're wrong. It's chocolate. 
       Second of all, it's pronounced vanilla.
Her: That's what I said. Valilna.
Me: vanilla
Her: valilna
Me: vah-nil-lah
Her: vah-lil-nah
Me: That's not it.
Her: But I'm saying exactly what you're saying.
Me: I'm pretty sure I'm not saying valilna. Vah.
Her: vah
Her: nil
Me: Lah
Her: lah. Valilna.
Me: Vah
Her: I changed my mind. I like chocolate.