I'm Tied Up Right Now

My student teacher has largely taken over teaching. I show up periodically to see if everyone is ok. Yesterday, I popped in just before recess. Marty was the last student to get up from his seat to go out.

He was in no hurry.

When I told him it was time to go have some much deserved fun, he slowly rose from his chair. His walk told me everything I needed to know about why he was still in the room.

(No, he didn't wet his pants.)

Nope, his walk suggested one of two things:

He was an escaped inmate still shackled at the ankles

or

He had tied his shoes together.

Head hanging low and with a voice filled with shame, he asked if I could help free him from his shoelace prison.

Me: Soooo, you tied your shoes together, huh? (My grasp of the obvious is incredible!)

Him: Yes, Ma'am. I thought I was tying the laces from the same shoe, but I wasn't.

Me: But they're tied at the very ends. Why would you tie your shoelaces at the very ends? Wouldn't your shoes be loose?

Him: Ok. I meant to do it.

Me: I see. May I ask why?

Him: I'm not really sure. Bored, I guess.

Me: Bored with being able to walk normally?

Him: heheehee

Me: When did you do this?

Him: While I was reading my library book and taking the quiz on the computer, BUT I still read and took the quiz.

Me: Really? How did you turn the pages? How did you type your answers? With your teeth? I mean, this knot is a doozy. No small effort was put into this.

Him: Ok. I didn't read. Or take the quiz.

Me: Instead, you invested a LOT of time doing this? (Pointed at the suuuuper tight knot in his laces)

Him: Well, I tied my shoes together, freaked out when I couldn't untie them and then pretended to read while I tried to figure out a way to break my laces.

Me: And?

Him: I couldn't.

Me: And?

Him: Now maybe you can untie them...

Me: And?

Him: I'll have to spend my recess reading my library book and taking the quiz?

Me: You got it! You see, Marty, despite what your laces are saying about you, you've proven you're a smart kid!

"G" means "Go"

Howdy! Sorry I haven't been blogging. I'm just not feelin' it lately at work.

I love my kids and I love my coworkers, but I'm just not loving "it" right now. (And I can't even put what "it" is into words.)

I'm not worried though. Soon enough I'll climb outta this dark closet I'm hiding in and love "it" (whatever that is) again.

Here's ELD testing in my world:

I have a cute little kiddo with a great big personality in my ELD class. He's got a great vocabulary and thinks BIG thoughts.

For some very good reasons, he doesn't handle change very well though.

So the kids were taking an ELD test. My student teacher had them start with Part G rather than Part A (for reasons I cannot explain), and my smart little fourth grader completely melted down.

At first, I left him to work through it as best he could, but it soon became apparent (pounding on his desk, throwing test on the floor) that he wasn't working through anything.

Him: I CAN'T DO THIS!!!!! (dramatically slams head down on his arms on his desk.)

Me: Sure you can.

Him: THIS IS CRAZY!!!! (Sounded like "mmmth isthh crathy" because his face was completely smothered by his arms.)

Me: No, it's a test. One that you're going to find very easy. Let's give it a try together.

Him: THIS IS SOOOOOOO IMPORTANT!!!!!!

Me: Yes, it is. (Thinking: No, not really.)

Him: WHAT ON EARTH ARE WE DOING HERE?!?!

Me: That's a pretty deep question. I don't think we have time to explore all the possible...

Him: WITH THE TEST!!! WHY ARE WE STARTING ON PART G? EVERYONE KNOWS YOU START ON PART A!!!!

(If everyone didn't know it before, they know it now. His voice was at DefCon 10.)

Me: OooooOOhh. (insert lie) It has to be that way because that is the order I have to enter the scores into the computer. The "G" stands for "Go!" Crazy, huh?

Him: Oh. Ok!

And off he went on his test, satisfied that there was a logical explanation for the chaos in his universe.

Ahhh, if only all our problems were so easily solved.

Birth of a Salesman

Me: Alrighty boys and girls, we are beginning our school-wide fundraiser today. We're selling cupcakes.

Them: HooRAY!!!!

Me: We're selling them, not eating them.

Them: awwwww...

Me: Anyhoo, we're raising money to buy more computers for our school. Who would like more computers?

Them: ME!!!!!!

Me: Then we need to practice our sales pitch. After all, we're in competition with those wily Girl Scouts and their cookies right now.

Step One: Appearance. Look sad. Look sad, hungry, and needy. Show me what that looks like.

Them: (Insert faces looking up hungrily at me with sad little frowns and pleading little eyes.)

Me: Perfect. Step Two: talk about the few computers we have now and how little you know about them because you hardly ever get to use them.

Them: But we use them all the time!

Me: I know that, but we can't let other people know that or they'll never buy the cupcakes. Other grade levels aren't as lucky as we are, and they don't have laptops to share. We're doing this for all the other grade levels.

Them: Why don't they do their own fundraising?

Me: Oh! I see. You think because you're in 4th grade and we have a class set of laptops to share that you're all set. Very clear to me now. Tell me, what grade will you be in next year?

Them: Fifth grade.

Me: Does fifth have laptops?

Them: (insert 3 beats of silence) ooOOOHhhhh. We get it now. We NEED to sell cupcakes!

Me: Yup, the only one staying behind in fourth grade with the class set of laptops is ME! Now that we're back on the same page (of serving your future self-interests), on to Step Three: tell them all about how you need to "develop" your computer skills. It will be important for your "future." You'll need these skills for "college." blah blah blah. Use all the buzz words grown ups like to hear.

It IS the 21st Century, after all.

Them: It IS?!?!

Me: (sigh...)

Is That What I Think It Is? Part 2

Warning: The following post, just like this one,  contains adult language and content. If you don't want to be exposed to that, please cover your eyes before you read.

Wanna know what I learned yesterday?

I learned that even our kiddos who really struggle to write a sentence can write a pretty durn good narrative with the right supports in place.

(I actually already knew that.)

Wanna know what I really learned yesterday?

I learned that kids like to write stories about magic wands. Their imaginations explode with ideas. Anything is possible with a magic wand!

Wanna know what else I learned?

Publishing stories online is HIGHLY motivating to students.

(Again, not new learning for me. I'm just using that repetitive line for effect.)

In case you're wondering, we're using www.LittleBirdTales.com .

Kids can write their stories, illustrate them or use digital images, record their voices reading their stories and then safely share their stories via the Web using a hyperlink.

Oh, and it's free!

Back to what I'm learning. Wanna know what else?

When kids draw magic wands, many look just like sparkly penises.

And the rest look like sparkly vibrators.

And it's really fun to send the kids who drew the most phallic-looking ones over to your teaching partner to proudly show off their "magic wands" (that's what she said).

... and watch him struggle to find appropriate ways to compliment their work.

I don't care what other teachers say, THAT is what makes teaching fun!