. Regurgitated Alpha Bits: Abort Mission!

Monday, February 7, 2011

Abort Mission!

There is no better way to get to know a kid than to have lunch with him.

I did that today with George. He's that lovable little imp who did this and this.

How did it go, Edna?

Just fine.

The End.

C'mon! Would I be writing about it if it went well?

I realize I need to get to know George better. He's a kid in need of a little TLC...

...if TLC stood for something OTHER than Tender Loving Care.

He had good behavior (relative term here) last week and just wanted to spend some time with me as a reward.


That really is touching, so I invited him to bring his lunch to my room on Monday and we could do a little art together while we eat.

First thing in the morning, he shouted to me from across the playground that he couldn't WAIT for lunch today.

"Me too!" I shouted back. (I'm going straight to hell.)

Lunch rolls around and he arrives right on time, smile on his face and juice in his hand.

Me: Where's your lunch?

George: I don't want any. It's burritos.

Me: I don't want you to skip lunch. At least go get some fruit.

He leaves and returns 0.0003 seconds later.

George: No fruit left.

Now, I can't just snarf down my lunch in front of a kid holding a sweating bag of juice as his entire meal, so I handed over 3/4 of my lunch to him, which he gobbled down in less time than it took him not to go get some fruit.

And then it was time to make shoe monsters! (Take off your shoe, trace it on a piece of paper, put your shoe back on, make a monster out of your shoe's outline. Take THAT, Van Gogh!)

Well, I got as far as the tracing my shoe part when the Real George emerged.

George: That's your shoe? This is my shoe. I can't get my shoe back on. Put my shoe on for me. My velcro is stuck. Fix my velcro. I don't like laces. Laces are stupid. You should use velcro shoes. Is that gonna be your monster. I'm gonna make a purple eel monster out of my shoe. I want you make an eel monster too. I want you to use the purple marker. Is yours gonna have hair. Give yours hair. Elvis hair. I want you to make a mustache. Smell this marker. Draw a car in the sky with a ladder for him to climb. Then give him wings.Use the blue marker.

Me: I'm not going to use the bl...

George: USE THE BLUE MARKER! Blue is my favorite color and eels are my favorite animals. I like pizza. I think I'm going make mine eating pizza. You need to make yours eating pizza. Did you draw pants on yours? Why? I don't like pants that snap. They hurt my belly. I don't want you to draw pants. I want...

Me: How about you draw yours your way and I'll draw mine my way?

George: I aaaAAAmmMMM! Draw big teeth on yours. Right here. Name yours Purple Elvis Eel Monster. That is what I want you to...

Me: Oh darn. Time for us to end our lunch together.

George: AAaawwWWww...

Me: I know. I feel the same way. (Straight to hell, I tell you...) Time flies!!  Why don't you hit the restroom.

While he hit the restroom, I hit the wet bar I keep stashed in my desk. (Just kidding.)

My plan backfired. While I do indeed know him better, I learned that to know him is not to love him.

And I'm still hungry.


Angela Watson said...

Ahhh, the Georges of the world. You gotta feel for them. I've had a few Georges but one in particular a few years ago really sticks out. Not one teacher in the school has ever liked this child. He's wasn't even a 'bad' kid, just seriously unlikeable.

Just curious, have you met his parents? Are they also hard to like? Sometimes I wonder how the parents of Georges deal with their kids, and then I meet them and realize...oh.

Edna Lee said...

Hi Angela!

I have indeed met his parents and they are pretty hands-off. He's just a kid who really wants attention, but has little guidance on how to get it in positive ways. We're working on that. Boy...are we working on that.

Thanks for reading!

Jane said...

You make me laugh! I recently stumbled upon your blog and I was getting worried since you haven't been posting that much (I know, I know, as if you don't have enough to do as a teacher). But...glad you took the time to share this one with us. And hats off to you for giving up your lunch, literally, for him.

Maddie B. said...

I'm a new fan of your blog! It makes me feel sane after a long day of teaching.

"And then I went for the wet bar stashed under my desk."

Love it. You capture the highs and lows of teaching in such a sincere way. Keep 'em coming!

Edna Lee said...

Thank you very much, Jane and Maddie! I'm so happy to hear you enjoy my little bloggy!

Kratik said...

Very well written.
But I do feel liking someone is a perception of mind. It is your choice whether to like or not. For once, accept a child and you would automatically like them.
Have you ever felt grateful to your teachers. Well, if you haven't, I sure have.
Read this...

Edna Lee said...

Well, Kratik, thanks for the compliment...I think.

"For once, accept a child and you will automatically like them."

For once? Really?

I accept all of them. I believe in all of them. I cheer for all of them. Most importantly, I believe in all of them and the unending possibilities they possess.

As with any professional, I would hope, "liking" them is just the cherry on top. A welcome addition to my job, but not a necessity.

I don't need to "like" all of them. I need to respect all of them, and I do.