Setting the Bar a Bit High

I got a new teacher coffee mug today. I don't want to sound ungrateful here, (I fear that might be inevitable) but I don't need anymore teacher coffee mugs. Actually, I apologize. That statement was too narrow. No teacher anywhere in the world needs or even desires a new teacher coffee mug. Yes, many of us drink coffee. We even drink it right there in the classroom, so I understand the thoughtfulness of the gesture, but I'm averaging about 10 new ones a year. I think I might be getting some of the same ones over and over again. By that, I don't mean they simply look alike: I mean I am getting the exact same mugs that I have gotten in the past.


Note to self: Start donating teacher coffee mugs to a Goodwill in another county.


I'll hand it to the kid who gave me this mug, though. He has single-handedly overwhelmed me with the sentiment inscribed on the front. Now, I have told my students a fair amount of grand untruths all in the name of fun; but based on this mug, I fear I may have built myself up a bit too much.


Yes, it's true that I do convince my classes each year that I am 176 years old. When they question me about where my wrinkles are, I explain that I've safely secured my extra skin behind my head like a bun. They spend the next few days dropping things behind my back as an excuse to steal a glimpse of my "skin bun." A few don't fall for the joke right away though. One kid actually said, "You're not 176 years old. You're only like 50!" For the record, I am NOT 50.


Well, sure, I've told them that the helicopter that coincidently flies over our school at dismissal every day is my ride home. The pilot just can't land with all these kids scattered about the playground. He'll come back when the crowd thins a bit.


I may have suggested that the innocuous heater closet in our room is where I store people who lack manners. I offered up the fact that our sharp-tongued vice-principal hasn't been seen in several weeks as proof of my abilities. For the record, she is on family leave and my students have never been more polite.


I know, I know...how awful this lady is for filling these poor innocents' heads with lies, lies, lies. Get over it. I need some fun if I'm gonna stick this job out for another 30 years.


Back to the mug. As I mentioned, I've built myself up quite a bit over the years. I've convinced them I can defy time and imprison my superiors. I fly to work in a chopper, for goodness sake! But seriously, could I possibly be

The Greatest Teacher of the World?

Note to self: Find the grammar teacher of the idiot who designed this mug.