Tall Glass of Crazy, Anyone?

Have you noticed how teaching is much like a pregnancy?

The first trimester is the shakiest, with the most queasiness and unexpected pains.

The second trimester is more on auto-pilot. You're used to the weirdness of it all and are comfortable in the rhythm of it all.

The last trimester you begin to feel some anxiety. There's more pressure and more tests, and your excitement is tempered with a bit of dread.

I've recently completed my first trimester of teaching this year, year 13 (bad omen) in my career. Good news for my sanity though and that means I MAY have more time for my beloved blog.

Here's what I've been up to…

Last year, my co-4^th grade teachers and I decided to experiment with teaming. We dipped our toes in the water by leveling the kids in math and each of us took a different level. As kids showed progress we moved them up to another level. If they needed remediation, we moved them down. Flexible and ever evolving groups designed to meet the needs of the kids.

It was a huge success. Our math test scores were the highest of any grade level in the district. (That's not meant to be bragging…)

Soooo, we thought that since it was such a huge success with math, why not try it with Language Arts?

In fact, let's see if we can't make it even more engaging for the students and, with our principal's permission, ditch the adopted language arts curriculum. Let's use science, social studies, and novels to teach the language arts standards!

And that's the exact moment we drank the kool-aid. Three cups of sugar and a packet of fruity crazy, in case you were looking for a recipe.

Hurdle #1: One teaching partner lost her spot at our school, so we had to convince someone else to drink some crazy. Luckily, our principal is very supportive of us and made it pretty clear to our new partner that she was onboard whether she liked it or not. Thankfully, she liked it (or she's the greatest faker in the world) and we've all worked well together.

Hurdle #2: We have 97 students now.

Hurdle #3: We must participate in writing of 97 report cards. (Hush now high school teachers. I know, I know.)

Hurdle #4: We MUST work well with each other. EVERYTHING we do affects the others.

Hurdle #5: About every hour, we have a new group of kids staring at us.

Hurdle #6: Every moment without students in front of us, is spent meeting with each other about the students, the curriculum, the schedule, and then the students some more.

Hurdle #7: Without an adopted language arts curriculum, there is no safety net. Every lesson must be written and developed by us and it must include the language arts standards.

Hurdle #8: Although we teach the same subject 3 times a day it is never the same lesson 3 times. For example, after I teach math to the benchmark students, I teach science to the benchmark language arts group, then the advanced, then the intensive.

The benchmark kids are like driving a Volkswagen.

The advanced are like driving a Ferrari.

The intensive are like carrying a Ferrari on your back.

Through the snow.

Uphill.

Hurdle #9: We can no longer use singular pronouns.

Hurdle #10: It is more work than any of us has done in our combined 28 years of teaching.

But it's not all hurdles. There are some great aspects to teaming for EVERYTHING.

Perk #1: I have learned what a wonderfully gifted teacher my new teaching partner is, however I still miss my old teaching partner.

Perk #2: Our 97 students have 3 teachers who care deeply about their success. They can come to any of us for assistance or just to chat and they have really responded positively to that change.

Perk #3: By participating the writing of 97 report cards, we all have a chance to have input.

Perk #4: Working so closely with each other allows us to steal all the best of what the others do. It also gives us the gift of reflection and perspective. We must be ready to potentially change things we have always done if it conflicts with the vision of one of the other teachers. More often than not, it's made us better teachers.

Perk #5: Every hour we have a new group of kids staring at us and a new chance to teach that lesson even better.

Perk #6: Although we meet A LOT, we enjoy each other's company. Additionally, we can warn each other if one student is having a rough day or if another needs a little TLC.

Perk #7: Our students are learning how to read and write and they don't even realize it. Science, social studies, and novels are so engaging to them that the fact that we're focusing on those mundane common and proper nouns doesn't even faze them.

Perk #8: Grouping the kids has not eliminated gaps between high and low students in each class, but it has lessened it. We can reach more students in a day and target what they need more effectively.

Perk #9: "We" and "Us" replacing "I" and "Me" has given us a voice at our school that few can challenge. In the famous nerd words of Spock: "The needs of the many outweighs the needs of the few or the one." Because we speak with one voice, our principal has been more accommodating of our requests.

Perk #10: Pretty much everyone with a job these days is working harder for less money. We are no exception. We get bonuses in the form of 97 smiles, 97 Good Morning Mrs. Lee's, 97 chances to make even a small difference.

It's all worth it.

But damn I'm tired.

A Letter to the President

Dear President Obama,

I have a suggestion. I may not be the first to float this idea past you, but let me assure you of my confidence in its success. Here goes…

After attending a five-day training on a new math adoption, I think you should consider using school district trainings on newly adopted curriculums as a method of gleaning information from those "enemy combatants" we've been detaining.

This new form of torture, shall we say, is certainly more humane than what we've been using and can still achieve many of the same results. Critics of our current methods might also be more amenable to this newer form of "information acquisition." To that end, let me point out that CNN and MSNBC have never shown up at any trainings I've attended asking tough questions of the interrogators

…I mean trainers…

about their feelings on torturing people who may or may not have done anything wrong…

I mean TRAINING people who may or may not require five days of instruction on a program that comes WITH instructions.

So it's a pretty safe bet that using the proven methods I suggest, you can torture away without any interference from the media or other critics.

Take the now infamous waterboarding we've used in the past, for example.

Criticism of this method of "information acquisition" has filled the newscasts for months now. If I understand it correctly, interrogators simulate the feeling of drowning in an effort to "encourage" detainees to give up information.

Well, after only two days sitting in a five day math training on a relatively straightforward math adoption, I felt like I was drowning in deep pools of wasted time. Additionally, we were weighed down with more standards to teach than are humanly possible to learn in 180 days. Even if I could utilize the mountains of components available in the curriculum (which they made pretty clear we are required to do) such as the EL Handbook, the centers cards, the Advanced Learners (who?) Handbook, and the Review Workbook just to name a few, I'm pretty sure I will never be able to teach all the standards and sub-standards to a mastery level in one year.

Oh yes, dear Mr. President, I feel like I am drowning all right. All without a single drop of water (because water was unavailable due to budget cuts.)

What about the use of stress positions used in Guantanamo? Asking detainees to remain uncomfortable positions for hours on end, right?

Twenty-five year old folding chairs.

Need I say more?

By day three, my butt was worn so flat I was actually sitting on my pelvic bone.

Of course there are more techniques available at district trainings, but for now I'll leave with you with those above.

Think about it, Barack.

Just think about it.

Swinging Balls

[Note to self: always preview a movie before showing it to your class, even if it's a movie supplied on the Discovery Education web site designed for children.]

So we all know that the last few weeks of school are filled with, well, time-killers. I really made an effort though to use that time to finish up some last minute science lessons.

You know… actual teaching.

Our district subscribes to Discovery Education's web site that has streaming videos on about every topic imaginable. I use it all the time because most of the videos are very well done and you can use whole videos or simply show applicable video segments.

So I was teaching about magnetism and energy during those last weeks of school and at the last minute I found a video on Discovery that looked very topical for our learning that day…

And it WAS all about energy…

And magnetism…

And, as a bonus I suppose, it had a more than a few opportunities to teach students about such things in ways that, when viewed through the overtly dirty minds of some of my fourth graders, appeared a bit racy.

Take the "swinging balls" experiment for example.

I believe the actual name for this thing is Newton's Cradle or Newton's Swing.

All I know is that all through this section of the video, the narrator kept saying things like:

"What do you think will happen if I lift one of my balls and then let it go?"

"Will all of my BALLS swing wildly?"

"Will none of my BALLS swing at all?"

"What if I lift up two of my BALLS?"

"How can I make all of my BALLS swing?"

I watched as the eyes of my boys darted around the room at each other, and little smirks grew on their faces. Then the soft giggles began and I admonished them for not behaving like scientists.

The giggles then became stifled snorts and hidden snickers….

from me.

Gimme a break! The dude kept saying "swinging balls!"

After the "Swinging Balls" experiment, the video went on describe how energy can be created using a bar magnet and a coil of wire.

Let me show you how to do it.

1. Take the fingers on your left hand and curl them into an "o" shape. That's your coil of wire.
2. Then stick out your pointer finger on your left hand. That's your bar magnet.
3. Now, insert your "bar magnet" into the center of your "coil of wire" and repeatedly move it in and out.

SEE the problem?

So, I actually ended the year covering more science topics than I anticipated…

Energy, magnetism...

and reproduction.

Just an Update

Hello Old Friends! How I have missed you all!

I just thought I'd post a bit of an update and share a few stories just for conversation's sake.

Update:

My dearest is doing much better. He has damage to his kidneys from TTP. He receives dialysis three times a week and we hold out hope that he can eventually regain enough kidney function to sustain himself without the aid of a machine. Keep your fingers crossed!

On a happier note, after a mere 14 years together we've decided to make me a Mrs. Lee rather than a Ms. Lee. Wedding plans are time-consuming though so my plans to return to The Bits this summer may have to wait until after our August nuptials.

And now for some stories!

When did fourth graders stop thinking that the opposite sex has cooties? At the end of the year, we had a rash of "couples" who were meeting for make-out sessions. Not the innocent pecks on the cheek that might seem endearing to some, but instead the go-for-it, tongue-blasting, hands-groping make-out encounters seen on many high school campuses. First of all, I've worked in close contact with these students and their oral hygiene habits are questionable at best. So, eewwww is all I can say there. Secondly, they are nine and ten year olds who are not recreating a Norman Rockwell scene but instead are recreating a Jay-Z video. Not appropriate. When we discussed it with the parents though, they found the whole thing amusing.

Geez.

Could part of the problem be our children's exposure to so much sexualized content on tv and in music? Have we all become numb to it? We had a talent show at school and a few students did a dance routine to the unedited version of the song "Get Low" which features such lines as:

Sweat drop down my b@lls

All these b*%ches crawl

All skeet skeet m*therf*&kers

And no one batted an eye or even seemed to notice except for the few teachers familiar with the song who watched in horror as ALL the students sang along.

Or how about the kids who danced to "Yeah" by Usher, with Ludacris' opinions on meeting women in clubs:

I won't stop till I get 'em in they birthday suits.
So gimmie the rhythm and it'll be off with their clothes,

then bend over to the front and touch your toes.

Really!?!? At an elementary school talent show?!?! The talent show acts were supposed to be pre-approved by the PTA, but I don't think they even understood the lyrics to the songs.

Somehow, those acts don't fit in with the other students who tap danced, sang a duet (in a make-believe language) with a puppet, or pulled a quarter from another kid's ear.

Here's hoping that things are less gross in your neck of the woods and everyone is enjoying their summers!