. Regurgitated Alpha Bits

Monday, June 27, 2016

Man Overboard



I had lunch with this kiddo, and we read a story together. Right in the middle of the story, he turns to me:

Him: Do you think they'll ever invent an overboard chair?

Me: A what?

Him: An overboard chair.


Me: I'm not sure I know what that is.

Him: Yes you do! You know, an OVERboard chair. Like the skateboard things kids ride around on with all the lights on it and it's like they're "over" the sidewalk.

Me: OOoooOOOh! Got it. Yeh, I don't know if they'll invent one.

Thursday, June 23, 2016

I Heart Nuggets


Know what initially sounds like a good idea but actually turns out not to be?

Heart-shaped chicken nuggets.

That's what we served for lunch at school as Valentine's Day approached.

Heart-shaped chicken nuggets.

You see, when you turn a heart-shaped chicken nugget over and and then bite the pointy part off, you're left with...

...butt-shaped chicken nuggets.

Fleshy, butt-shaped chicken nuggets.

And then the kids strategically added condiments to them. It wasn't pretty.

The lesson is clear. Keep your nuggets nuggety-shaped or things get dark fast.

Monday, June 20, 2016

Things Are About to Get Dull - Like Vanilla

Where have you been?

In all honesty, I've been putting all the funny on my personal Facebook page. I haven't been putting it here because I didn't want to bore all my "real me" friends who follow me here and on my personal Facebook page where I am the "real me."

But now I've decided I don't really care if I bore them.

Sorry People Who Know the Real Me. (Let's face it. I'm not that interesting in real life.)

So I'll be retelling some of my stories from this school year here, and I hope you find them amusing.

Let's get started!

Conversation with a kid on her her birthday:
Me: Let's talk cupcakes. Which is better, chocolate or vanilla?
Her: valilna
Me: First of all, you're wrong. It's chocolate. 
       Second of all, it's pronounced vanilla.
Her: That's what I said. Valilna.
Me: vanilla
Her: valilna
Me: vah-nil-lah
Her: vah-lil-nah
Me: That's not it.
Her: But I'm saying exactly what you're saying.
Me: I'm pretty sure I'm not saying valilna. Vah.
Her: vah
Me: NIL
Her: nil
Me: Lah
Her: lah. Valilna.
Me: Vah
Her: I changed my mind. I like chocolate.

Friday, September 11, 2015

In High Demand

We have one fourth grader this year who is pretty quickly becoming one of my favorite kids ever.


His name is Chuck, and he's a unique little guy. He struggles a bit with interpersonal communication, personal space, and letting things go. To me, that's just part of his charm. 

Oh, he also speaks with absolutely no intonation. His delivery of every line is very flat and almost robotic-sounding. 

He may be on the spectrum. Or maybe not. It doesn't really matter to me. He's a lot of fun and a cool kid.  

In class last week, we made posters of ourselves participating in a physical activity that we enjoy. Students could pick whatever activity they want. They could even include a friend in their picture. They also had to use a speech bubble to tell us why they enjoy that activity. 

Then, we took photos of the kids and my teaching partner cut out their heads and pasted the real photo of their head on the cartoon drawing of their body. We hung these adorable pictures in our windows facing out at the school. 

Only things went tragically wrong apparently. 

You see, Chuck drew a picture of himself riding bikes with his friend. Both individuals in the picture look identical. He did not include a speech bubble coming from his mouth, leaving us to guess which person was Chuck and which was his friend. 

We guessed wrong. 

So this morning went like this:

Chuck: Um, Mrs. Lee. We have a very serious problem.
Me: Oh my! What is it. 
Chuck: Well, my head is on the wrong body. 

It's at this point I get really nervous because I don't know that he's talking about head on his poster. 

Me: uuummmmmm, what?
Chuck: My head. It's on the wrong body. In the window. 
Me: Ooohhhh. (Phew. No psych call needed) Well, Chuck, we needed to guess which was you because you forgot to include your speech bubble. 
Chuck: You guessed wrong. 
Me: I'm sorry about that. I wish we'd guessed correctly. 
Chuck: So you're going to fix it, right?
Me: Unfortunately, no. 
Chuck: Why not?
Me: Following directions is important. I wish you had followed them during the activity so we could have put your head on the correct body, however that's not what happened. Now you're just going to have to adjust to your new body. 
Chuck: But it's not my body. 
Me: I understand that. 

Fast forward to later in the day:

Chuck: I have an idea Mrs. Lee. Roooooll up the blinds, taaaaaaaake down my picture, peeeeeeel off my head, paaaaaaaaaaaste it on the other body, taaaaaaaape the picture back in the window and roooooooll down the blinds. 
Me: Sorry, Chuck but that's probably not going to happen. This is a good lesson in following directions carefully. That's more important to me than anything. 
Chuck: But I want my head on my body. 
Me: I understand that. 

Fast forward to later in the day:

Chuck: Here's what's going to happen, Mrs. Lee. You're GOING TO roll up the blinds, TAKE DOWN my picture, PEEL OFF my head, PASTE IT on the other body, HANG UP my picture and ROLL DOWN the blinds. 
Me: Probably not. 
Chuck: But that's not my body. 
Me: And had you included the speech bubble, we would have known that. 
Chuck: I want my own body. 
Me: I understand that. 

The ball's in his court. Let's see what Monday brings.