. Regurgitated Alpha Bits

Friday, June 19, 2015

Don't Be Alarmed

As I've said before, one of my favorite parts of my job is downtime when I can just chat with the kids. Their true little personalities come out then. 

I did that today as they waited in line for ice cream sundaes after our 4th grade field day. 

So, we're in a park and a car alarm nearby starts beeping. BEEP! BEEP! BEEP!

Me: Wow. That's the worst song I've ever heard. (Wink wink)

Abby: Yeh, it sounds like a broken record. 

Me: I'm amazed you know what a broken record is, let alone what it sounds like!

Abby: Mrs. Lee, I know a LOTTA things about a LOTTA things. (Insert sassy head snap)

Me: Noted

Saturday, June 6, 2015

Too Much Lick-er

So the other day one of our parents at school had something sticky on her right palm, probably the gelato we were selling as a fundraiser, so she licked it off as she was talking to me. I mean LICKED it off, full tongue, several licks. 
It was like watching Palm Porn. 
Right after she was done, palm still wet with spit, she shook hands with another poor unsuspecting teacher who approached us. 
I don't care how much money that fundraiser brought in. NOT WORTH IT. 

Thursday, June 4, 2015

Drop the Hammer

Yesterday was Open House. 

Today was "extremely tired but exceedingly talkative students" day. 

At one point, after fruitlessly fighting the talking, I just sat down at my desk to cool off before I blew my stack. 

Always observant Izzy sees me do this, folds her hands, shuts her mouth and sits quietly for about 30 seconds. Every 2.4 seconds, she glances over her shoulder to make sure I notice her good behavior. 

Finally, she turns to me and says, "Have you noticed how chatty this class is today?" as she rolls her eyes dramatically. "I think you should give them aaaaall <insert arm sweep across the room> marks for this. Well, everyone except me, of course."

Marks are negative points for the week. 

I assured her I would seriously consider her advice. 

It was just what I needed to regain my perspective on how tired, but excited, ten year olds might act on the morning after an eventful evening. 

Wednesday, May 27, 2015

Fly! Be Free!

My teaching partner hatched butterflies in her classroom.

One butterfly remained on Butterfly Release Day.

Butterfly Release Day went badly.

Here's the obituary we posted in the staff lounge:

A Thoughtfully-Written Obituary
Bart the Butterfly

Today we celebrate the short, but meaningful, life of Bart the Butterfly: A true warrior among insects.

Bart’s life could never be described as easy. Born in captivity, he lived the majority of his life in a butterfly habitat upside down with his legs flailing in the air.  (He may have struggled with undiagnosed vertigo.) After a long weekend, Bart was mistaken for dead and thrown in the trash. (Yes, we’re looking at YOU, Mrs. T…) Thankfully, he was rescued and freedom was afoot. He was released between the protective limbs of the large tree by the school's stage.

But he fell out.

Like five times.

So then his handlers took him to a smaller tree, but he fell out of that one too.


Finally, carried by the cheers and goodwill of the growing crowd around him, he struggled his way to the grass again and landed gently on the ground.

Where a bird ate him.

But not before he was the object of a tug-of-war with another bird.

In all honesty, both birds may have eaten him. Things got scrappy fast, making it hard to tell.

In any event, he was a wonderful butterfly.

In lieu of flowers, a fund has been set up to pay for the counseling needed after witnessing The Butterfly Bloodbath of 2015.

Rest in Pieces Little Upside Down Butterfly Warrior. Your fight is over.

Our staff wrote many kind messages on the memorial.

The candle remained unlit due to city fire regulations.