. Regurgitated Alpha Bits

Tuesday, August 25, 2015

Swingers

How to instantly become my favorite student: 


Be funny. 

How to instantly stop being my favorite student:

Let a long dingle dangle of snot hang out of your nose and rock back and forth so it swings like a pendulum while I'm watching you from across the room. 

This has been a public service announcement for all fourth graders. You may resume your regularly scheduled programming now. 

Friday, June 19, 2015

Don't Be Alarmed

As I've said before, one of my favorite parts of my job is downtime when I can just chat with the kids. Their true little personalities come out then. 


I did that today as they waited in line for ice cream sundaes after our 4th grade field day. 

So, we're in a park and a car alarm nearby starts beeping. BEEP! BEEP! BEEP!

Me: Wow. That's the worst song I've ever heard. (Wink wink)

Abby: Yeh, it sounds like a broken record. 

Me: I'm amazed you know what a broken record is, let alone what it sounds like!

Abby: Mrs. Lee, I know a LOTTA things about a LOTTA things. (Insert sassy head snap)

Me: Noted

Saturday, June 6, 2015

Too Much Lick-er

So the other day one of our parents at school had something sticky on her right palm, probably the gelato we were selling as a fundraiser, so she licked it off as she was talking to me. I mean LICKED it off, full tongue, several licks. 
It was like watching Palm Porn. 
Right after she was done, palm still wet with spit, she shook hands with another poor unsuspecting teacher who approached us. 
I don't care how much money that fundraiser brought in. NOT WORTH IT. 


Thursday, June 4, 2015

Drop the Hammer

Yesterday was Open House. 


Today was "extremely tired but exceedingly talkative students" day. 

At one point, after fruitlessly fighting the talking, I just sat down at my desk to cool off before I blew my stack. 

Always observant Izzy sees me do this, folds her hands, shuts her mouth and sits quietly for about 30 seconds. Every 2.4 seconds, she glances over her shoulder to make sure I notice her good behavior. 

Finally, she turns to me and says, "Have you noticed how chatty this class is today?" as she rolls her eyes dramatically. "I think you should give them aaaaall <insert arm sweep across the room> marks for this. Well, everyone except me, of course."

Marks are negative points for the week. 

I assured her I would seriously consider her advice. 

It was just what I needed to regain my perspective on how tired, but excited, ten year olds might act on the morning after an eventful evening.