“I was a Child Psychology Major.”

When a parent utters those words, it clearly indicates that the direction your parent meeting is about to go in is now out of your control.

But I'll get to that later. (Hope you're sitting in comfy chair. This is a long one.)

My team and I had two parent meetings today. Although we called the meetings to discuss exactly the same issues with both parents, the two meetings could not have been more different.

Meeting Number One

Me: Hello Mrs. Nguyen. Thank you for coming to meet with us in this miserable weather. I hope you didn't get too soaked getting here.

Mrs. Nguyen: No.

My Partner: Well, we asked you to meet with us to discuss Samantha's progress in math. While we feel that she is a capable student and she certainly demonstrates a good understanding of the math concepts when working with the class, she is getting very little independent work done. We're pretty sure, based on what she can do when we're teaching the concepts that she is able to do the work, however she is not completing it. We have noticed that she has a tendency to daydream. We think that is playing a big part in her inability to complete her work. Have you ever been told that she daydreams in the past?

Mrs. Nguyen: Yes.

My Other Partner: Have you found that she does it at home when she's doing her homework, etc?

Mrs. Nguyen: Yes.

(Wow, someone shut this lady up!)

Me: Well, since we all agree that daydreaming seems to be impeding her success; I would like to make a few changes with regards to her seating and set some work completion goals for her that she must meet to remain in my math class. If she understands the concepts but fails to meet the work goals, we'll need to meet again to discuss what else might be getting in her way and if changing her to a lower math group might help. I'll be sure to invest some extra time in Samantha to ensure I am doing all I can to help her stay on task. Does that sound like a fair arrangement?

Mrs. Nguyen: Yes.

My Partner: Do you have any questions for us or any suggestions that might help us out with her?

(Gosh! Give us something. Anything!)

Mrs. Nguyen: No.

(Damn.)

My Other Partner: Thank you for coming in to meet with us. We feel strongly that when we work with the parents as a team, the students have a greater chance at success so thank you again for sharing with us.

Mrs. Nguyen: Yes.

(Preeeeegnant pause…)

After she left, there was a sort of emptiness in the room. I felt unsure if Mrs. Nguyen understood what we were trying to tell her.

I asked my Other Partner, who shares the same ethnicity with Mrs. Nguyen, if, from the Asian Perspective, our meeting was a success.

She explained that Mrs. Nguyen's reactions were "very Asian." She said that Samantha's mom would probably not feel comfortable questioning us, but that Samantha was most definitely going to catch it when they got home. She was willing to bet her first born son that Samantha's daydreaming days were over.

Time will tell, but I'm willing to bet my Other Partner's first born son that we will see some changes in Samantha as well.

Meeting Number Two

Oliver's mom was up next. Her son Oliver exhibited the same exact daydreaming tendencies in math class.

(Maybe I need to face up to the fact that I am just not that interesting as a math teacher?)


Me: Hello Mrs. Smith. Thank you for coming to meet with us in this miserable weather. I hope you didn't get too soaked getting here.

Mrs. Smith: No. I rather enjoy this change of pace. As a matter of fact… (Insert a loooooooooong story about her 35+ years of experiencing rain and its impact on her life as a child, an adult, and a parent who feels her children are her life.)

My Partner: Well, we asked you to meet with us to discuss Oliver's progress in math. While we feel that he is a capable student and he certainly demonstrates a good understanding of the math concepts when working with the class, he is getting very little independent work done. We're pretty sure, based on what he can do when we're teaching the concepts that he is able to do the work, however he is not completing it. We have noticed that he has a tendency to daydream. We think that is playing a big part in his inability to complete his work. Have you ever been told that he daydreams in the past?

Mrs. Smith: Yes. As a matter of fact… (Insert loooooooong story about Oliver's previous school and how abusive the teachers were and how neglectful and cruel they were, and how they made him stand in the hall for one hour and six minutes (exact quote) because he didn't finish an assignment but wouldn't tell him why he was out there as a power play over him (so she knows why now because…?), and how (she doesn't want to start crying now) cruel and abusive the other students were to her son simply because he's a creative and sensitive boy who happens to be one of her two children who are her life.)

(Wow, someone shut this lady up!)

 My Other Partner: Have you found that he does it at home when he's doing his homework, etc?

Mrs. Smith: Yes. As a matter of fact… (Insert LOOOOOOOONNNNGG story about how when she was a child she thought that daydreaming was when you leave your body and can see yourself working while floating above yourself, and how she used to leave her body in class and watch herself working and when her teachers would regain her attention she would be startled to be back in her body again and that is why Oliver seems startled, and how she is sure of this because her children are her life.)

(Really?!?!)


Me: Well, since we all agree that daydreaming seems to be impeding his success; I would like to make a few changes with regards to his seating and set some work completion goals for his that he must meet to remain in my math class. If he understands the concepts but fails to meet the work goals, we'll need to meet again to discuss what else might be getting in his way and if changing him to a lower math group might help. I'll be sure to invest some extra time in Oliver to ensure I am doing all I can to help him stay on task. Does that sound like a fair arrangement?

Mrs. Smith: Yes. As a matter of fact… (Insert … oh hell, even I don't care what she has to say at this point.)

My Partner: Do you have any questions for us or any suggestions that might help us out with him?

(Dude! Shut up! What are you DOING?!?)

Mrs. Smith: Yes. As matter of fact, I was a child psychology major and my children are my life. I don't know why he is not paying attention in class because I know he can do this math, but I have a theory… (Insert looooonngggggggggggggg story about how we clearly are a compassionate group of teachers (Thank you!) and he does not know how to handle kindness after all the abuse he's endured so he's waiting for us to be mean and doesn't know how to function in a caring classroom environment, and how I left him behind when we were packing up the other day and how he was scared and got lost finding the bus (That he's been going to for 4 months? Head out the door, hang a right, step on the bus.) and how he was crying when she picked him up from daycare because of the gripping fear he had of being left behind and lost (LOST!?!?!) at school that day (Here I asked her if Oliver was late for the bus and crying when he got to it, and she said she has asked was told he was on time and did not appear distressed when he got on the bus but that he was holding it all in until he was in the comforting arms of his mother) and how he felt distrustful of my Teaching Partner because he made Oliver's Social Studies project 2 weeks late when he insisted that Oliver finish it before turning it in and how if he could have turned it in as it was (unfinished) Oliver's work would not have been late and how Oliver was then not comfortable turning it in until it was totally finished because he's a very literal boy causing him never to turn it in because it had to be totally finished (So how 'bout he GET it finished then and turn the damn thing in?) and how we should come down hard on him to get him to get his work done because he will continue to take advantage of us unless we start to really drop the hammer on him, and how she never has to discipline him because their relationship is so strong and he completely trusts her and never lies to her (Soooo, the 2 math tests he hid from you and the letter regarding this very meeting that he hid from you leading us to have him call you at work to explain all that and arrange this very meeting fits in where?) and how there is really no need to be strict with him and it's not an effective method of motivation for her son, who is her life.)

My Other Partner: Thank you for coming in to meet with us. We feel strongly that when we work with the parents as a team, the students have a greater chance at success so thank you again for sharing with us.

Mrs. Smith: Thank you too. As a matter of fact...

(Damn.)