. Regurgitated Alpha Bits: He's Minty-Fresh Too!

Thursday, February 28, 2008

He's Minty-Fresh Too!

(Before you read this, you should know that I'm not planning on blogging about my cats on a regular basis. I'm not THAT kind of teacher. This was simply the most interesting thing that's happened in a few days...)

I spit on my cat this morning.

I don't mean just a sprinkling of spittle either. I mean, I SPIT on my cat.

My morning started off typical enough. I rose early and all three of us headed to the bathroom to get ready for work.

All three of you?

Yes, all three of us. Evidently, my cats struggle with some attachment issues. I haven't been alone in a room in ten years. If I neglect to include them in any of my innocuous indoor adventures, they rattle the doorknob, stick their paws under and frantically pat around for my feet crying, "We know you're in there!"

Frankly, I feel they would benefit from the expertise of a professional. (They disagree with my assessment of their mental well-being.) If they have no problem laying on their backs and yammering away on my couch , why couldn't they do it in a shrink's office and possibly gain some independence from me in the bargain. Maybe then I could pee in peace.

As I was saying, I rose early and the three of us headed to the bathroom. Initially, everything was going normally. As I brushed my teeth, my cat Leo decided to take advantage of the facilities. He plopped on the toilet to perform his morning constitutions and do a little light reading. Ok, maybe he wasn't reading. He's only ten months old so I haven't taught him to read yet. (I'm a good teacher, but not that good.)

And here's where it gets gross. Like any good environmentalist, I don't leave the water running while I brush my teeth. As I turned on the faucet to spit, I of course leaned down toward the sink. I can only imagine Leo took my sudden movement toward the drain as an indication that I was about to make a break for it through the plumbing, because in an instant, he scrambled into the sink just as the mouthful of toothpaste fell from my mouth in a gooey blob...

...and now he's minty-fresh.

A toothpaste and spit stew dripped from his nose and whiskers and his displeasure became evident. He looked almost as upset as the time he jumped into an open toilet full of pee mere milliseconds after I had vacated it. (I have since perfected the "Simultaneous Stand and Flush" technique I had heard parents of toddlers must employ.

His sticky unhappiness was only compounded when I turned the sink on full-blast and held him under the faucet until his coat was free of my toothpastey discharge...

...but he still smelled minty-fresh!

Maybe this wasn't such a bad thing after all. He has not followed me into the bathroom since AND his coat freshens every room he's in!

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