. Regurgitated Alpha Bits: The Final Mile

Friday, June 8, 2012

The Final Mile

The year is almost over for me.

You know what that means.

This will be my last post about lame mile run excuses this year. Hopefully.

This week's winner belongs to a kid who has the potential to be a fairly decent athlete if his mom would just encourage his talents instead of enabling his desires to remain motionless.

...or not. You decide.

It stated:

Please excused my son angelo from not running today. He has a swallon tongue  finger on his foot and it hurts. 

Mrs. X

Where do I begin?

Do I address why he has a finger, that used to be a tongue, on his foot?

Maybe he lost a toe and they replaced it with a finger.

Maybe it had originally been replaced with a tongue, but then things began tasting funny (kinda like feet) (or like jam) (or like cheese), and so they replaced it with a finger.

(But then wouldn't things begin to feel funny?)

...and now it's swallen.

Well, either way, I think I get it now. All clear!

Since I devised a theory on that part (no pun intended) of the note, let's discuss the first sentence.

"excused my son angelo from not running..."

Was she really asking me to excuse him from NOT running?

Ssssooooo she wanted him TO run?

On his finger-toed foot.

That is swallon.

And tongueless.

Maybe running brings down the swalling in finger-toes.

Maybe THAT'S why they took off the tongue! When he ran, it just flapped around and could trip him.

It was a safety hazard.

Hence, the need for the finger-toe.

AND the need for exercise now. He simply couldn't when he had the tongue-toe, but now he can.

THAT makes sense!

Wow! It looks like she did want him to run.

I toe-tally misunderstood that one.

I hope he doesn't point a finger at me as a bad teacher.


Bliz said...

I have read your entire blog, and pretty much check it every day, because it is HILARIOUS. Also, you seem like a completely rational and sensitive teacher, which I really respect.

So maybe I don't have the facts straight, seeing as I don't know this student or his mother, but based on his name and her note, it really seems like her first language is probably Spanish. My husband (from Colombia) often confuses fingers and toes because in Spanish they are the same word. Like I said, you always seem like an incredibly sensitive person, so I believe you wouldn't intentionally write something harmful. That being said, this post came across like you were mocking someone for whom English is a second language.

Edna Lee said...

Hi Bliz,

Thank you for your comment. I totally understand your feelings on this one and appreciate your honesty. I do not wish to offend you.

I did intend to mock her willingness to be dishonest to get her son out of a PE activity simply because he doesn't enjoy it. He only limped when he walked up to hand me the note. He didn't limp in class. He didn't limp between classes. He didn't limp as he raced across the playground at recess or lunch. My intention was not to mock her English skills. It was to mock her skills of deception. Had she been grammatically perfect, I still would have written about her excuse because it was so clearly untrue. And it was one of 20 excuse notes she's written this year.

Kids are terrible liars, but trying to get away with it is part of growing up. The willingness of some parents to perpetuate lying is one of the most disappointing aspects of my job.

That being said, I am sorry I let you down. I hope you'll still choose to read.

Charity said...

Haha! If I asked my mom to write a note, I definitely would have asked for a redo when I saw the word "tongue" was still written in there.

When I was a kid my best way of getting out of the mile was running the first lap, tripping somewhere along the way, and bleeding on the track until they allowed me to stop. It usually worked like a charm, but eventually falling on scabs hurt and I still have scars!

Mrs. Gumby said...

Oh, this IS funny! One of our teachers has a whole collection of similar notes. One of my favorites was a note written on the back of the teacher's own stationery! The note read: "Please excuse Barbie's homework. She did not have time. Barbie's Mom". And...then, when you turned the paper over, it had the teacher's letterhead at the top! Busted, Barbie...busted!!

Certainwmn357 said...

WOW I wonder if this will make the student have tongue and toe finger issues in the future, confusing but hillarious! So much for texting,and typing in future.

Anonymous said...

Wow this note hardly makes any sense at all, even if he did have a swollen tongue or finger he would still be able to do pe. Maybe he wrote the note himself?

I would like to recommend http://www.debutots.co.uk/ while i'm here, Debutots is a unique blend of interactive storytelling and dramatic play for 6 months to 7 years.

Unknown said...

This blog is really funny! :) I enjoyed reading all your posts. I look forward to reading more.

Phoebe said...

This post is really awesome I look forward to reading more.

Vidushi said...

I am sitting in the library reading this, and have earned a few annoyed glances because of how hard I am laughing!

You have a great sense of humor!

Edna Lee said...

Why thank you kindly!