Teachers Gone Wild

Sssoooooo… last night was awkward.

Don't take that as a bad thing. I live in a perpetual state of awkwardness so I was right at home.

I attended the TOTY dinner for my friend at the local Marriot hotel. It was a lovely affair. The ballroom was decorated to the nines with beautiful centerpieces, and the 28 awards (they get the apple statuettes too) were laid out on a tiered table at the front of the room near the stage.

It is not often teachers get to blow off steam with others from their district. It's even less often they get to do it with so many bartenders available to float them down a river of Chardonnay and apple martinis. The room was abuzz with excitement...

and booze.

Before the ceremony, tables were chanting the names of their school's award winner. Finely-dressed revelers paraded around in party hats, feather boas, and donned masks made from photographs of particular award winners. Cow bells were ringing, whistles blowing, and noisemakers grinding away in support of the winners. It was a joyful noise of praise made by over 800 school employees to honor teachers who have made exceptional changes in students' lives…

or just a bunch of drunken people cutting loose like kids on a field trip.

Either way, You Go Teachers!

Probably many were simply making the most of their evening off from their usual routine of caring for their own children and grading stacks of papers until finally falling asleep in a Lazy Boy while Dancing with the Stars drones on in the background.

We teachers make the worst audience. In typical teacher fashion, the attendees talked through the entire ceremony. Of course, we make our students sit through the most inane assemblies without uttering a peep, but put educators in a room together and you'd be hard-pressed to find a listener there who could tell you one thing the speaker said.

My friend Caroline's status as an award winner kept her quite busy all evening with well-wishers dropping by the table and such, so I spent the evening chatting with her husband, Mr. Glass. We've all been friends since high school so we got caught up on his many adventures as a local firefighter, online war hero, and his Tony Hawke-like skateboarding prowess.

Actually, that's not all we did. The majority of the time, we gawked…

at unbelievable amounts of cleavage.

I'm talking MOUNTAINS of breasts simply spilling out all over the place. It looked like what would happen if porn stars began shopping at Chicos.

There were no wooden school bus necklaces or sensible shoes at this affair. No sir! It was little black cocktail dresses, women unaccustomed to spiked heels teetering around, feather boas being used as lassos, and phrases like "You look HOT" being tossed about.

These teachers have boobs and they are not afraid to show them off!

And frankly, I thought it was great! Other professions have opportunities to dress up and party and so should we. These teachers have worked hard all year and have earned a night out in celebration with their peers.

Three cheers for the fun-loving bunch over at TaTa Unified School District for honoring their own in such boob-tastic fashion! It was a pleasure to be included.

Next time, I'll wear my bustiere.