“I was a Child Psychology Major.”

When a parent utters those words, it clearly indicates that the direction your parent meeting is about to go in is now out of your control.

But I'll get to that later. (Hope you're sitting in comfy chair. This is a long one.)

My team and I had two parent meetings today. Although we called the meetings to discuss exactly the same issues with both parents, the two meetings could not have been more different.

Meeting Number One

Me: Hello Mrs. Nguyen. Thank you for coming to meet with us in this miserable weather. I hope you didn't get too soaked getting here.

Mrs. Nguyen: No.

My Partner: Well, we asked you to meet with us to discuss Samantha's progress in math. While we feel that she is a capable student and she certainly demonstrates a good understanding of the math concepts when working with the class, she is getting very little independent work done. We're pretty sure, based on what she can do when we're teaching the concepts that she is able to do the work, however she is not completing it. We have noticed that she has a tendency to daydream. We think that is playing a big part in her inability to complete her work. Have you ever been told that she daydreams in the past?

Mrs. Nguyen: Yes.

My Other Partner: Have you found that she does it at home when she's doing her homework, etc?

Mrs. Nguyen: Yes.

(Wow, someone shut this lady up!)

Me: Well, since we all agree that daydreaming seems to be impeding her success; I would like to make a few changes with regards to her seating and set some work completion goals for her that she must meet to remain in my math class. If she understands the concepts but fails to meet the work goals, we'll need to meet again to discuss what else might be getting in her way and if changing her to a lower math group might help. I'll be sure to invest some extra time in Samantha to ensure I am doing all I can to help her stay on task. Does that sound like a fair arrangement?

Mrs. Nguyen: Yes.

My Partner: Do you have any questions for us or any suggestions that might help us out with her?

(Gosh! Give us something. Anything!)

Mrs. Nguyen: No.

(Damn.)

My Other Partner: Thank you for coming in to meet with us. We feel strongly that when we work with the parents as a team, the students have a greater chance at success so thank you again for sharing with us.

Mrs. Nguyen: Yes.

(Preeeeegnant pause…)

After she left, there was a sort of emptiness in the room. I felt unsure if Mrs. Nguyen understood what we were trying to tell her.

I asked my Other Partner, who shares the same ethnicity with Mrs. Nguyen, if, from the Asian Perspective, our meeting was a success.

She explained that Mrs. Nguyen's reactions were "very Asian." She said that Samantha's mom would probably not feel comfortable questioning us, but that Samantha was most definitely going to catch it when they got home. She was willing to bet her first born son that Samantha's daydreaming days were over.

Time will tell, but I'm willing to bet my Other Partner's first born son that we will see some changes in Samantha as well.

Meeting Number Two

Oliver's mom was up next. Her son Oliver exhibited the same exact daydreaming tendencies in math class.

(Maybe I need to face up to the fact that I am just not that interesting as a math teacher?)


Me: Hello Mrs. Smith. Thank you for coming to meet with us in this miserable weather. I hope you didn't get too soaked getting here.

Mrs. Smith: No. I rather enjoy this change of pace. As a matter of fact… (Insert a loooooooooong story about her 35+ years of experiencing rain and its impact on her life as a child, an adult, and a parent who feels her children are her life.)

My Partner: Well, we asked you to meet with us to discuss Oliver's progress in math. While we feel that he is a capable student and he certainly demonstrates a good understanding of the math concepts when working with the class, he is getting very little independent work done. We're pretty sure, based on what he can do when we're teaching the concepts that he is able to do the work, however he is not completing it. We have noticed that he has a tendency to daydream. We think that is playing a big part in his inability to complete his work. Have you ever been told that he daydreams in the past?

Mrs. Smith: Yes. As a matter of fact… (Insert loooooooong story about Oliver's previous school and how abusive the teachers were and how neglectful and cruel they were, and how they made him stand in the hall for one hour and six minutes (exact quote) because he didn't finish an assignment but wouldn't tell him why he was out there as a power play over him (so she knows why now because…?), and how (she doesn't want to start crying now) cruel and abusive the other students were to her son simply because he's a creative and sensitive boy who happens to be one of her two children who are her life.)

(Wow, someone shut this lady up!)

 My Other Partner: Have you found that he does it at home when he's doing his homework, etc?

Mrs. Smith: Yes. As a matter of fact… (Insert LOOOOOOOONNNNGG story about how when she was a child she thought that daydreaming was when you leave your body and can see yourself working while floating above yourself, and how she used to leave her body in class and watch herself working and when her teachers would regain her attention she would be startled to be back in her body again and that is why Oliver seems startled, and how she is sure of this because her children are her life.)

(Really?!?!)


Me: Well, since we all agree that daydreaming seems to be impeding his success; I would like to make a few changes with regards to his seating and set some work completion goals for his that he must meet to remain in my math class. If he understands the concepts but fails to meet the work goals, we'll need to meet again to discuss what else might be getting in his way and if changing him to a lower math group might help. I'll be sure to invest some extra time in Oliver to ensure I am doing all I can to help him stay on task. Does that sound like a fair arrangement?

Mrs. Smith: Yes. As a matter of fact… (Insert … oh hell, even I don't care what she has to say at this point.)

My Partner: Do you have any questions for us or any suggestions that might help us out with him?

(Dude! Shut up! What are you DOING?!?)

Mrs. Smith: Yes. As matter of fact, I was a child psychology major and my children are my life. I don't know why he is not paying attention in class because I know he can do this math, but I have a theory… (Insert looooonngggggggggggggg story about how we clearly are a compassionate group of teachers (Thank you!) and he does not know how to handle kindness after all the abuse he's endured so he's waiting for us to be mean and doesn't know how to function in a caring classroom environment, and how I left him behind when we were packing up the other day and how he was scared and got lost finding the bus (That he's been going to for 4 months? Head out the door, hang a right, step on the bus.) and how he was crying when she picked him up from daycare because of the gripping fear he had of being left behind and lost (LOST!?!?!) at school that day (Here I asked her if Oliver was late for the bus and crying when he got to it, and she said she has asked was told he was on time and did not appear distressed when he got on the bus but that he was holding it all in until he was in the comforting arms of his mother) and how he felt distrustful of my Teaching Partner because he made Oliver's Social Studies project 2 weeks late when he insisted that Oliver finish it before turning it in and how if he could have turned it in as it was (unfinished) Oliver's work would not have been late and how Oliver was then not comfortable turning it in until it was totally finished because he's a very literal boy causing him never to turn it in because it had to be totally finished (So how 'bout he GET it finished then and turn the damn thing in?) and how we should come down hard on him to get him to get his work done because he will continue to take advantage of us unless we start to really drop the hammer on him, and how she never has to discipline him because their relationship is so strong and he completely trusts her and never lies to her (Soooo, the 2 math tests he hid from you and the letter regarding this very meeting that he hid from you leading us to have him call you at work to explain all that and arrange this very meeting fits in where?) and how there is really no need to be strict with him and it's not an effective method of motivation for her son, who is her life.)

My Other Partner: Thank you for coming in to meet with us. We feel strongly that when we work with the parents as a team, the students have a greater chance at success so thank you again for sharing with us.

Mrs. Smith: Thank you too. As a matter of fact...

(Damn.)

On the Contrary

And now, allow me to introduce you to Melinda. Or, as I like to call her…

The Contrarian.

She is the fourth grader who is ALWAYS the opposite of everyone else.

Why?

Simply to BE the opposite.

All.

The.

Time.

During Art:

Me: So I've cut this shape for the head. What shape did I cut?

Class: An oval.

The Contrarian: A square. To ME, that looks like a square.

During Math:


Me: Now that we have the sum, let's check our work. What's the opposite of addition?

Class: Subtraction.


The Contrarian: Backwards Addition. Well, it literally is, right?


During Reading:

Me: A hyperbole is an exaggeration used to help paint a picture in the reader's mind. For example, when I say, "These shoes are killing me," am I really dying from wearing them?

Class: No!

The Contrarian: Yes, you could be dying and just not know it!

And thus it went, day in and day out...every topic.

So finally, I had reached my limit and so had my teaching partners. Sometimes, for sanity's sake, we all have to learn to go along with the herd at times.

I decided to call The Contrarian in during lunch and have a talk about what it means to be a "creative thinker" and what it means to be "a contrarian," and how the two are NOT the same thing. While there are times when The Contrarian's oppositeness leads to advanced thinking, more often than not though, she is simply trying to gain attention by being the opposite.

She is a master at parsing things very thinly and enjoys arguing with others. She'll dance the dance of the righteous all night long if you're willing to sing for her.

We, her teachers, were done singing and were now going to give her consequences if we find that she was purposely being a contrarian. This was all done with the blessings of the school psych, who was working with her on exactly these social skills.

And that, oddly enough, led us to scientifically prove that whole "apple not falling far from the tree" theory.

Not long after our talk, The Contrarian got her first consequence for her behavior.

Something funny was said in her Math class and everyone laughed…

But she didn't. She wildly shouted "LOL LOL LOL LOL LOL!" at the top of her lungs instead.

Her math teacher gave her a mark on the behavior chart. A mark is a warning and students get three warnings a week before they are excluded from Fun Friday as a consequence.

That afternoon, an email arrived from The Contrarian's mother asking for an explanation about the mark and
the teacher explained why it was given.

The mother replied by wanting to know what was wrong with shouting out LOL in class. It's a socially acceptable form of communicating laughter in the world of texting.

The teacher responded by saying that if he had been teaching the lesson via text, LOL would indeed have been acceptable, however he was not.

And the mother responded by saying that LOL is simply a modern form of laughter.

So the teacher explained that indeed, LOL, in and of itself, is not the real issue here, but it's the bigger issue of attention-seeking behaviors on her daughter's part that we would like to address. According to the school
psych, her daughter's impulsive behaviors and need to one-up everyone has led to her complete lack of friends. While we want to foster creativity and uniqueness in each and every one of our students, we all must try to fit in sometimes if we plan on living around others.

And the mother responded by saying that how her daughter chooses to laugh should not have an effect on how many friends she has.

(Has this woman ever BEEN around children?)

Again, the teacher reiterated his position that the WAY she laughed is only symptomatic of a larger issue.

And Mom asked if he was planning on letting the World Wide Web know that he had banned LOL from public use.

(Apple – Tree…VEEERRY Close Together.)

I see children inherit more than eye color from their parents.

Listen, Think, then Do

That title is a phrase I have adopted from one of my teaching partners in an effort to help this VERY impulsive group of fourth graders make better decisions.

You see, every year the third grade teachers say, "Juuuust wait until you get THIS bunch of kids. You'll see how crazy they are!"

And every year things work out just fine.

Something tells me THIS year might break our streak though.

This bunch is a highly excitable, highly impulsive, highly deceptive bunch of kids. When we attempted to submit many of their names to our school psych for participation in the Social Skills class she runs, she informed us that she began the Social Skills intervention BECAUSE of this group when they were in the First Grade. They were so poorly behaved and cruel to each other she began an entire intervention program just for them. However, they had to eventually dismiss each and every one of them from the group because their behavior was too severe.

Gulp.

Now what? She is a truly gifted psych who has changed the lives of many students at our school and even SHE has all but given up on this group.

So we are starting with the basics. We simply want to help them be more successful in doing the small things in class, like getting out a pencil without chaos ensuing, so we began the "Listen, think, then do" campaign.

Let's look at this campaign in action, shall we?

Me: We are going to work on some math problems in our journals. Listen.When I say GO, take out a pencil. Think. What are you going to do? (pause. while students "Think") Go.

Students dive into their desks and many resurface with a pencil in their hands, however two come up with scraps of torn up paper and one with a pen. His neighbor has no writing utensil at all but does have tears streaming down his cheeks and one hand over an eye.

Me: Artie, why are you crying?

Artie: Frank stabbed me in the eye with a pencil!

Me: Stabbed you in the eye?!?!

Frank: Did NoooOOOoOT! I don't even HAVE a pencil! It was a pen.

Me: You stabbed him in the eye with a pen!?!? Artie, go to the nurse.

Frank: I didn't stab him on purpose.

Me: Can you explain how you stabbed him by accident?

Frank: I was taking the cap off and my hand flew back and stabbed him in the eye with the pen.

Me: Was the cap stuck?

Frank: No.

Me: Then what caused your hand to fly back?

Frank: The pen was stuck.

Me: In what?

Frank: The cap.

Me: Isn't that the same thing as…forget it. When I said Listen, what did I tell you to do?

Frank: Take out a pencil.

Me: When I said Think, what did you think about?

Frank: How much more fun it is to write in pen.

How did I not see that one coming?

It became monumentally clear that not only must I break down my directions into minute bites for them, I must also think aloud for them too.

I must verbalize what they should do,

how to do it,

when to do it,

where to do it,

and anticipate everything they might do in place of what I want them to do and warn them of the potential consequences.

Phew! Knowing that makes my job muuuuuch easier.