. Regurgitated Alpha Bits: Recipe for Disaster

Sunday, March 30, 2008

Recipe for Disaster


1 LA Lakers jacket, preferably expensive and relatively new, and belonging to fifth grader

3 Mischievous boys, unattended, relatively bratty and belonging to Ms. Lee

1 Old, dirty urinal, relatively disgusting and belonging to no one because who would want it


First thing in the morning, have a fifth grader leave his jacket in the boys' restroom. It should be left draped over a stall door all morning so as to be good and forgotten by its owner by the start of recess.

Next, dismiss your class to recess at the normal time. Be SURE you also dismiss the 3 mischievous boys as they are key ingredients. Remind all students, including the boys, to use the restroom.

Leave the students on the playground and go enjoy your break.

In your absence, the 3 mischievous boys should enter the restroom and discover the expensive and relatively new LA Lakers jacket hanging over the stall door.

The order of the next steps is crucial to ensure proper results:

  1. Drop the jacket on the filthy floor
  2. Kick it around soccer-style while other students wander in and out to watch
  3. Use the urinal as a net and score a GGGGGOOOOOOAAAALLLLLL
  4. Flush urinal repeatedly until jacket is sufficiently soaked
  5. Laugh and tease the owner of the jacket when he arrives in the bathroom to find his jacket in a urinal

Viola! By the end of recess, you should have yourself one big disaster.

This disaster is best served with 5 screaming playground supervisors gathered around your class and 1 upset fifth grader dangling a dripping jacket between his thumb and forefinger with nothing more than a soaked square of one-ply toilet paper between his fingers and said jacket.

For dessert, consider a nice detention followed up with a week's worth of "Playground Beautification" (AKA: 3 mischievous boys in rubber gloves picking up garbage during recess and lunch and their teacher following around behind them saying, "If you can't respect your schoolmates, then you're going to clean up after them instead!")


Ms. Longhorn said...

I just don't understand boys that age. This year we had some of our boy athletes pee in a cologne bottle then give it to another boy to use... ew.

Edna Lee said...

Ok...yours qualifies as grosser. That is disgusting. How do they dream this stuff up?!?!

Wamblings said...