. Regurgitated Alpha Bits: Times Have Changed, Part 2

Friday, July 11, 2008

Times Have Changed, Part 2

Continuing our walk down memory lane, let's take a look at student rules and punishments in the 1800's.

Student Rules, 1860

Boys and girls shall file into classroom in separate lines and be seated quietly on opposite sides of the room.

This is a great idea! We should continue to enforce this rule, but would need to add that they may not make googly-eyes at each other during class and sign "I Love You" across the room to each other while snickering behind their hands.

Boys shall remove their caps when entering.

Since students are no longer allowed to wear caps, we should amend this to say that boys shall pull up their pants so their ass isn't hanging out when entering. (That has just GOT to be uncomfortable!)

Children must sit up straight at all times.

Sit up straight? Heck, I'm happy if I can just get them near their chairs most of the time. If they're actually sitting, I'm not going to nit-pick.

Children must not squirm, fidget or whine.

Now students have a legal right to squirm, fidget, and whine because it's written right into their IEP's at their lawyer's insistence.

Children must be clean and tidy in clothing.

"In clothing?" As opposed to naked? I should hope they'd be "in clothing." Do you really have to make that a rule?

There will be a daily inspection of neck, ears and fingernails prior to class to ensure cleanliness of person.

Now we inspect backpacks, purses, and waistbands to ensure disarmament of person.

Young ladies must never show a bare ankle; girls' and boys' clothing should cover arms and legs completely.

Because you know how provocative those juvenile ankles can be. If only the authors of these rules could see 140 years into the future. Covered arms…hah!

Punishments

Five minutes tardy in the morning = 1 hour after school.

That's weird, at my school it's one hour tardy = five minutes after school.

Double assignments if homework is not done.

So you can doubly not do it tonight.

Nothing shall be dipped into ink wells except pens.

Ewwww… What else could they have been dipping in their ink wells?

Children who are caught writing with their left hand = 1 ruler rap on the knuckles.

Sounds messy. Wouldn't a ruler rap splatter the ink the lefties have smeared all over their hands from dragging them through the wet ink on their papers as they wrote?

Do not speak unless spoken to by the teacher. Talking in class = 1 whack with a rod.

Ahhhh…the good ole' days.

Nothing shall be thrown in class. Such behavior = 5 whacks with a rod.


Good thing we did away with this consequence. I think A-Rod is a bit busy cheating on his wife with Madonna to come and whack my students right now.

Chewing of tobacco or spitting = 7 whacks with a rod.

I couldn't agree more! What is WITH spitting?!?! Can someone explain that to me? I'd almost risk my job to give a kid 7 whacks for spitting. Blaaaak.

Speaking immoral language = Suspension.

Then your f*&king parents can listen to your scr&^%ed up, mother(*&^$&#ing, potty mouth in your sh*&hole of a house for a while.

Carving on desks or defacing school property = Expulsion.

Unless I agree with what you wrote.

Fighting, lying, or cheating = Expulsion.

My school would be empty…

…because most of the teachers would have been expelled.

ONLY WELL MANNERED CHILDREN MAY ATTEND SCHOOL.

If only…

REMEMBER: EDUCATION IS A PRIVILEGE

for the middle and upper classes of society. The rest of you just get to go to school and learn how to take a yearly test.

5 comments:

Anonymous said...

Not any more it isn't. Now it is a right. Wow! have times changed.

Melissa B. said...

Education is a privilege? Please tell my administrators, who always seem to side with the parentals. They've made some pretty dubious calls over the years! BTW, don't forget my Silly Sunday Sweepstakes tomorrow--I've got a pretty funny snap this week!

Ms. Longhorn said...

Wow.. those lists you have posted are absolutely unreal! I'm afraid to think about where education will be in another 140 years...

Penny said...

I love those rules, especially the one about the boys pants. I don't understand how the drooping ones can be comfortable either. It had to have been much easier to teach in the 1800's. I'm going to bookmark your blog. Love it!!!

Edna Lee said...

Thank you, Penny! I am glad you're enjoying it! I am enjoying writing it too!